How Should...

How Should... is today's Google search topic.

How should I cut my hair? Take some garden shears and chop it all off or shave your head.

How should my suit fit? Shirt on top, tie around the neck, jacket on top, pants on the bottom.

How should running shoes fit? Loose, loose, loose! You don't need stability or support. It's all lies. Shin splints are a fabrication of the sneaker industry.

How should a condom fit? Well enough so you don't feel anything.

How should a bra fit? Very tight. Bulges everywhere. Permanent indentation marks on your skin will help you guide it into place every morning. You want to look good in a sundress, right?

How should a resume look? Write it on a napkin after your third martini. Include the olive for extra points.

How should I invest in money? You have money? I'll take donations!

How should a newborn sleep? Hold it upside down or strap it to a tree branch by its feet.

How should we then live? Where should you live is a better question. My answer would be not near me.

How should prepared slides be handled? Wear gloves if this isn't the 200^th picture of last 4^th of July when Aunt Jane fell asleep in the chicken salad.